TOTAL EXTREME RANDOMNESS!
by RaixKim4eva
Summary: A series of one shots that are EXTREMELY funny and EXTREMELY random! Pina Colatas...TRANSFORMERS!...A super awsome oil guzzling super cop car of dreams! What will all this randomness amount to? AND THIS IS JUST THE FIRST STORY! Chapter 2 now up! RaixKim
1. MIAMI BEACH

**I have decided I'm gunna write funny fics for a while! Well I think they're funny! I hope you do too:)**

Raimundo is sitting on the beach, slurping a Pina Colata out of a coconut glass "I have absolutely no recollection of how I got here, but hey! I'm under aged and drinking an alcoholic beverage! Not only that, but I'm on Miami Beach! How cool is that! I have no idea where or exactly what Miami Beach is, but hey! I'M RAIMUNDO PEDROSA! I CAN COPE!"

Master Fung wearing a blue Hawaiian print bathing suit. He walks up to Raimundo and a beach chair pops out of nowhere. He sits in it and applies some sun tan lotion to his arms "Ah…this is the life, isn't it Raimundo?"

"It sure is! Hey! Was that one of those rare moments where I actually speak to you like I'm not superior to you?"

Master Fung blinks in confusion "Oh my god, you're right! This calls for a celebration!" Suddenly a samba band pops out of nowhere.

"RRRRUMBA!" The leader bangs away on bongo drums. Because his eyes are closed in merriment, he misses the drums and starts beating on Raimundo's head.

"What the hell mate?!" He dropping the coconut glass and stood up, infuriated.

"LOL!"

"Since when do you know internet lingo Master Fung?"

"Since I've been down with the shiznit! And looked at all your MSN convo's…"

"Hey! But…this isn't really a laughing situation,"

"RRRRUMBA!" Samba leader continues to bang on Raimundo's head, although he can hardly reach, so just his finger tips are actually touching the Brazilians head.

"WOULD YOU STOP IT ALREADY?!"

Sometime later

Raimundo and Master Fung are sleeping peacefully under the Miami Sun. Suddenly 5 cop cars surround them. Abruptly, they are handcuffed.

"What the hell is going on?" Rai asked

Master Fung is still sleeping.

"You, my friend, and your uncle, are gonna be doing some time…Miami Vice style!" Crocket (from Miami Vice **1)** says, Suddenly Miami Vice theme plays.

Master Fung twitches in his sleep.

"What was that totally off-key and lame 80's music that just popped out of nowhere…again?" Rai asked

"You don't like it? Well…we'll make sure that you hear it ALL the time when we take you downtown to do time…Miami Vice style!" Tubs (from Miami Vice) says suddenly theme music plays…Again.

"Yeah…it really sucks,"

Crocket and Tubs go into an angry silence

"In any case, what are we being arrested for?"

"You, sirs, are being arrested for illegally entering the United States without a passport. Also, it seems that you're mass-murders."

"WTF, mate? What the heck is the United States?"

"Hola, senors!" The Samba leader greets

"The Drug Dealer!" Crocket pulls out his gun and chases after the samba leader "STOP! NYPD!

"Uh…don't you mean MPD? Humph! Incompetent authorities…"

Tubs shoots Raimundo a look of hatred and gets into a cop car. He sits in the front seat and buckles his seatbelt with a cheesy grin and thumbs up. He suddenly becomes somber and takes a big breath "Oh, Cop Car of Majestic Miami Beach: Lend me your awesome crime fighting powers so that I may become "Super Crime Fighting Gas Guzzling Cop Car MAN!"" his voice echoes in the way that all stereotypical pilots of huge robots do and Tubs thunders away.

Suddenly a random chorus pops out of nowhere "TRANSFORMERS! ROBOTS IN DISGUISE! TRANSFORMERS! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!"

"…what the hell?" Raimundo scratches his head "OW! SUNBURN!"

Master Fung suddenly awakens "That's what happens when you don't use sun block young one!" Falls back asleep.

"Not only that, but you can get SKIN CANCER!" Kimiko says since she has just popped out of nowhere.

"Kimiko!" Raimundo runs towards her

"And did you know that the NY lotto is over two million dollars!" She rips off her face to reveal herself as that annoying woman on the NY Lotto commercials.

"AAAHHHH! NERDS!" Screams like a woman from a '50's horror movie

"Goddamnit Tubs! You've squashed another suspect!" Crocket said shaking his head

"Sorry! Gosh!" He said making a lame reference to Napoleon Dynamite the robot transforms back into a cop car.

Looks at Raimundo and Fung "Anyways, as I was saying before…Raimundo, Beatrice apparently, you're mass-murders"

"What's that supposed to mean? And his name is Beatrice!" Raimundo bursts out laughing starts rolling around on the floor in hysterics.

"Well, it seems that you're responsible for the total ANNIHALTION of a group of people, formerly known as "The Heylin side"" Crocket said shaking his head

"Probably some type of cult…" Tubs said suspiciously

"Oh, and not only that, but you're wanted for littering!"

"When did I litter? What exactly did I litter?" Raimundo demanded

Tubs points to the coconut glass that Raimundo dropped earlier

Looks from the glass to the two cops and back again "You guys are complete idiots! Hello? IT'S DECOMPOSABLE!" He screamed

Crocket and Tubs give him a blank stare.

Raimundo looks at them like they're complete idiots "Are you kidding me…?"

"No, we're not. And where you'll be going, you'll find that people don't tell many jokes…" Crocket said sighing

"Okay, listen I know it's hard for you, but you've got to stop using those lame lines! They're not cool anymore! No one thought they were cool to begin with!"

Tubs froths at the mouth

"Okay, mister! You've just earned yourself 25 to life!" Brings Raimundo around and forces him into the car. He places his hand on Raimundo's head and tries to push him into the car.

"GYAA! SUNBURN, DAMNIT! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT MY HEAD IS SUN BURNED?"

Tubs growls Raimundo (Tubs was the one who said most of those lame lines with really obscure puns) and attempts to say something.

"No, we can't see killer's pain"

"HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE IT? IT'S RIGHT ABOVE YOU! FUNGSTER HELP!"

Master Fung reaches for a pillow that has appeared out of no where…again…and rolls over, covering his ears.

To readers "Wow…this is really inconvenient…HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY! HELP! OH, IS THERE NO ONE TO SAVE ME!"

Suddenly, a band of girls all dressed in camo and army boots comes running over the sand dunes

"There he is!" Kimiko puts away her binoculars "Come on, girls! Raimundo needs us!" Girls go running over the dunes with other crazy girls running after her AHHHHH! STEREOTYPICAL AND LAME CHARGING INTO BATTLE NOISES! AHHHHH! The girls reach the cop car and start trying to tip it over. Some of them run around and get Raimundo out of the car. They lift him up and carry him out.

"WHY! WHY IS THIS MY LIFE!"

"BECAUSE IT MAKES US LOVE YOU EVEN MORE!" The fan girls scream and faint

Kimiko is carrying a gas tank "LET'S SEE SOME FIRE WORKS" She pours gas on the flipped over car and throws a lighted match onto it.

Cop Car of Majestic Miami Beach and Transformer as it is burning "…goodbye, Tubs…"

"NOOOOOO!" Tubs screamed clutching onto her car

"Tubs come on! We need to leave! There's no way we can combat these crazy girls obsessed with magical anime characters" Crocket screamed

"IT'S NOT MAGIC! IT'S ELEMENTAL CONTROL," Omi screamed

Kimiko sees Omi and her right eye starts twitching "DESTROY HIM!" An army of fan girls marches after Omi with bazookas.

"AAHH!" Omi screamed

Suddenly, the car explodes. The immortal robot in disguise is destroyed.

Suddenly the random chorus starts again "TRANSFORMERS! ROBOTS IN DISGUISE! TRANSFORMERS! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE"

"Would you just shut up?!?!?" Kimiko screamed and suddenly the music stops

"Hey Kim! Why are you in Miami?"

"EEEKSS!" Kimiko screams turns to her fan girl army "HE TALKED TO ME!"

"EEKSS!" The fan girl army screams

"Ask him what his number is!"

"Oh, oh! Ask him his favorite color!"

"Ask him what's on his boxers today!"

"Hey Kim could you talk to me for a sec?" Rai asks

Kimiko starts babbling uncontrollably and crying.

"Uh…" Raimundo backs away cautiously.

Kimiko inhales and exhales really deeply "Okay, I'm ready!" Kimiko kneels down and presents Raimundo with something "Raimundo…would you take me…to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Raimundo's mouth hangs open in disbelief as his eyes bug out of his head.

Raimundo, I'd like to give you this ring, as a token of my affection!" She opens her hands to reveal one of those cruddy, fake blinky-rave rings in a plastic capsule.

"How much did you pay for this?" He picks up the capsule and shakes it

"75 cents. Why?" Kimiko said

"You're purposing to me with a 75 cents ring?"

"Do you have a problem with that?" She stands up "Love is not measured by money!"

Raimundo stares at her incredulously

"FINE…IF YOU WON'T HAVE ME…THAN NOBODY CAN HAVE YOU…FAN GIRLS ATTACK!" Kimiko screamed

"AHHH!" Fan girls Charge at Raimundo with their bayonets.

"AHHHHHHHH!" He runs for dear life into the sea. Everything goes black

Raimundo is murmuring in his bed, the blankets pulled up to his chin all fan girls may now go AWW! Don Johnson…Transformers…Robots in Disguise…crazy fan girls…bayonets…If you like pina colatas…popping out of no where…again…internet lingo… 'starts crying'.

Master Fung starts shaking "Raimundo Wake up!"

Raimundo wakes up, groggily and looks at Master Fung "Oh…Auntie Anne!" (Lame reference to The Wizard of Oz)

"HEY! Who you calling 'auntie'?"

"Oh…I just came back from a mystical world!" Raimundo looks at Kimiko, Omi and Clay that had gathered around Raimundo "And you were there! And you! Kimiko you were there, too! You were obsessed with me! And I learned a valuable lesson through this! I learned…that there's no place like home…!"

"Yeah…Rai, I think you need to lay off the delusional drugs for awhile!" Kimiko said laughing

"No! It **was** real!"

"Well," He clears throat "master Fung clears his throat I'm going to go and get a nice cup of tea!"

Monks are muttering under their breaths and giving Raimundo suspicious looks.

"They don't believe me! But I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT—

"Raimundo shut up! And get up you're gunna be late for training," Kimiko said exiting the room.

Raimundo is sitting there staring at the wall.

"It was all a dream,"


	2. LITTLE MERMAN

Raimundo is in the garden practicing his martial arts moves "Hyah! Stereotypical combat noises Hyah!"

"Raimundo what the hell are you doing? Training ended hours ago! Don't go all Omi on me!" Kimiko said hands on her hips.

Omi pops out of nowhere "Violence doesn't solve anything," Lame reference to the Mika why don't you like me video clip then he vanishes and his voice echoes like in all the star wars movies.

"What the hell?"

"Raimundo, do you really need to say all those stereotypical lame kung-fu movie sounds?"

"Yes, Kim I do. How else am I going to attract obviously wanted attention to myself?"

"You could try being nice." Kimiko said putting an arm around him

"Yeah but being a mean, Bad boy gets me all the ladies why the hell would I bother changing?"

"True…True." Lame reference to Budweiser commercial

"Ya know, you've gotta love fan girls. You do something completely pig-headed and they swoon and sigh. Heck, **even breathing** is an Act of God in their eyes."

"Yes…but when will it all end?" She looks wistfully into the sunset that has popped out of nowhere to set the mood like in those old romance films.

"Hey don't even think about cutting in on MY use of lame movie clichés!"

Kimiko shakes her head as if awakening from some sort of trance "Huh? I wasn't cutting in on anything!"

Raimundo looks at her suspiciously "Don't try and fool me girl I have the eyes of a hawk!"

"Hawks don't have stupid GREEN eyes!" She said scowling

Raimundo breaks down in hysterical tears "WAAAA! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO AND SAY THAT! WAAA!" He runs into the temple and Kimiko runs after him.

"What kind of mutated vegetables is he eating?!" Raimundo reaches his room and Kimiko appears in his room shortly afterwards. "I didn't mean what I said,"

"Liar! You said that on purpose! How could you do that to me Kim? You know how important it is for me to bear the silent pain of being different so that the fan girls will love me even more because I have this awesomely heavy burden of having green eyes! But now they've seen the real me! THE NORMAL BRAZILIAN KID WHO CRAVES YOUR LOVE AND ONLY WANTS THEIR ATTENTION BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE YOU!"

"Rai I never knew you felt like that," She's crying now but out of happiness that the man of her dreams is in love with her.

"And you want to know the worst part of all this," he screamed crying hysterically

"What is it?" She asked rubbing his back affectionately.

"I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!" lame reference to Wayne's World

"…Yes you did Rai…,"

"………FINE! NOW I HAVE TO BE A STEROTYPICAL TEENAGER IN DISTESS AND YELL "GET OUT OF MY LIFE" AND SLAM MY DOOR IN YOUR FACE! SO…GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" He screamed and slammed the door in her face.

"FINE SEE IF I CARE!" She storms off down the hall.

Rai is crying in his room. He runs and throws himself onto his bed and sobs…later on, he lifts up his head and looks out the window. Standing up, he walks over to the window. He watches passively as two doves fly in the air together. Suddenly, drippy, jazz piano music starts up and the orchestra begins to play

"Take it away Raimundo," The drippy jazz pianist that has appeared out of nowhere to play his drippy jazz piano said.

Rai is singing Kim gives me…some very good advice. But I very seldom…follow it. sighs dramatically and looks out his window…oh, I've got gadgets and gizmos of plenty. I've got whosits and whatsits galore! suddenly all of his furniture in his room disappears.Rai is twirling to the center of the room You want a thing-a-bob? I've got twenty he somehow has a box of pipes in his hand. Flounder flops helplessly on his floor, unable to breathe, since he's a fish. But who cares…?Zuko steps on Flounder No big deal…I want MORE…starts floating up to his ceiling, Little Mermaid Style. suddenly, there is a flash of light and Rai wearing a white tux with a top hat and cane. He is strutting down a white staircase I'M IN THE MONEY! I'M IN THE MONEY! He does a little turn and suddenly, he is on the disco floor, doing that annoying dance where you put one finger up in the air I'M TOO SEXY FOR YOUR PARTY, TOO SEXY FOR YOUR PARTY, NO WAY I'M DISCO DANCING! next, he is in the middle of Death Valley in a Ford Mustang with a Tears for Fears haircut SHOUT! SHOUT! WORK IT ON OUT! THESE ARE THE THINGS I COULD DO WITHOUT! COME ON! Next he is transported to the 17th century, wearing a white wig and frilly clothing. He is playing the organ.

Kimiko is listening behind the door "That's some music medly…"

Abruptly, the music stops. Kim's shocked and quietly enters the room. There her Best Friend is singing "I hope you can dance" In sign language.

Raimundo is performing sign language he starts doing that lame bird gesture from napoleon dynamite.

Kimiko quietly leaves Raimundo's room and closes the door _he really needs some alone time!_

He continues his music medley for hours. Some of the featured songs would have been (with appropriate costume and scenery): Tomorrow, Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better, Prima Donna, Hit Me Baby One More Time, Dirty, Confessions II, and If Your Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands.

"Wow I sure sang a lot today…I should go on American Idol!" Suddenly the judges appear.

"You have the worst voice on the planet don't even think about auditioning!" Simon said screaming.

"Oh well I like him! He has that "Ladies man desperate for a girl that he lives with and is his best friend but hasn't got a hope in getting" look. Audiences love a pity story.

"Yeah, you were totally on cue. And that whole stepping on the blue and yellow fish thing…that got me right here" punches self in eye "OW! Goddamit!"

"Well Simon since I'm a Brazilian hottie with thousands of Fan girls in camo I can just order them to decapitate you,"

Kimiko comes in with bazooka "SOMEONE SAID DECAPITATE!"

"Decapitate him!"

"Say what!"

"WHY WHY IS THIS MY LIFE!"

"Because it makes us totally obsess over you even more!" The fan girls in camo scream and faint like in the other chapter.

"Oh yeah! Now I remember…it's all for the ladies…" He snickers and puts his arm around Kimiko and starts to walk out.

"Wait I forgot something," Kimiko said picking up her bazooka she aims it at Simons head and is about to shoot when…THE LEPRECHAUN FROM THE LUCKY CHARMS ADD HOPS ALONG! "Help they're trying to get me lucky charms!" Kimiko's left eye starts twitching "EAT BAZOOKA LEPRECHAUN!" Kimiko fires the bazooka and the Leprechaun blows up and lucky charms go flying everywhere.

"Let's go babe," Raimundo put an arm around her and they walked of into the sunset just like one of those cheesy romance movies.


End file.
